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Yesterday, my family went to the movies to watch “You Gotta Believe.” It’s a baseball movie based off a true story.
One of the coaches of the team comes down with brain cancer and it’s serious. He has to step back from coaching while he does chemo.
At one point in the story, this coach’s son, devastated that his father isn’t getting better, runs out on the ballfield at night and yells out to the sky, “I hate you! I hate you!”
That was enough to make the tears flow hot on my face because I once did just about the same thing, except it was a football field and I was 17.
After my night on the football field, I went on to “wrestle with God,” much like Jacob in the Bible for years.
Yesterday, after I got home from the movie, I read a comment on my post from the other day that was wildly misunderstood. So many people missed the point of my post on burdensome rules.
Anyway, a woman, still missing the point, commented that respecting Christ in the Eucharist means that we dress up for church and women cover their heads. Boom. End of discussion.
Part of me wanted to defend my deep love of Christ, but the Holy Spirit kept saying, “Stay. Just stay. Don’t do it.”
While I was standing there at the stove with tears in my eyes, I asked, “Why not? Why not let me defend my love for You?”
What I heard was, “Because for some, it will never be enough what you do. Let me handle it. I know your heart.”
I realized how true that is. Because we humans are always trying to one up each other and prove we are better, sometimes, it will never be enough for many.
I have been to the depths with God and fought my way back to a relationship that I never thought possible after that night on the football field. Nobody but God truly understands my love and respect and nobody ever will.
There are a million and one ways, Catholic Pilgrims, that we can practice our Faith. And even if we did all those ways, there would still be someone who comes along and says, “Not enough.”
Of course with God, we can never give Him enough, but the only one we need to prove anything to is Him. He knows our hearts and His understanding of our hearts is all that really matters.
Live the Faith boldly and travel well this Tuesday.
*Picture is from the synagogue in Capernaum from our Gospel reading today.
“Bethlehem is the prelude to Calvary. We may not merely stand adoring at the crib; we must also follow Christ to the cross.” Many moons ago, my friend from college who became an atheist was publicly asking questions about Christianity on her Facebook page. They were snarky and rude. Since, I’m not one to let a debate go by, I started answering her questions. You know how it goes: You answer a question, they don’t acknowledge the answer, but instead throw out another red herring. I stuck in there and continued to answer the rather softball questions. Pretty soon, a horde of angry atheists descended on me and attempted to do an online “stoning.” Not a single one could counter my arguments, but the truth of those arguments enraged them. Today, we look at the life of St. Stephen, the first martyr. He was debating people and they couldn’t handle the truth and wisdom of his words given to him by the Holy Spirit. They became “infuriated” and just wanted to silence him through death. As faithful Catholics, we must know that attacks will come our way. People will lash out at us over the truth of the Gospel. We must pray for the grace to take the literal and figurative blows, Catholic Pilgrims. Have a blessed Friday. St. Stephen, pray for us! *St. Stephen’s Bulgarian Orthodox Church in Istanbul.
Continue ReadingWhen I was working as a counselor for victims of sexual violence (I'm a criminologist that specialized in sexual violence crimes), I got a call one day from a women's detention home. They were wondering if I could come and do a weekly group session with the ladies. The home was just a big place where women who had substance abuse problems or were in s$x work of some kind were held. It wasn't jail, but it wasn't a free house either. Anyway, my first day, I was in a room with about 25 ladies. For nearly all of them, which is extremely common, their path went something like this: Abuse of some kind in childhood, nobody did anything, started drugs and alcohol to numb pain, had absent father, sought love from men through s$x, were in one abusive relationship after another, the spiral of drugs and s$x work took its toll. None of them understood genuine love or could even comprehend what authentic love would look like. Yesterday, I was driving in town and near a old-run down motel, there was a very young woman walking on the side of the street with nothing on but skimpy underwear and a short, grungy fur coat. Her hair was a mess and she was talking on the phone. I knew instantly that the path of her life was just like the ladies I used to counsel--never been loved, always been used. Now offers herself up to be used. As a mother, it just kills me to see such things. All the s$xual perversion--meaning anything outside of a man and woman in a loving, committted marriage-- in our country continually harms people just like this. Men, too, make no mistake. There is no dignity to be found in any of this and it just tanks souls. Oftentimes, people can't find their way to God, even when they want to, because they feel so dirty and worthless. I always get the people who want to tell me certain things are fine and blah, blah, blah, consent, and blah, blah, blah. I will forever push back vehemently because they've never dealt with the fall-out like I have and they just have some s$xual sin they like that they are trying to defend. So many broken souls out there, Catholic Pilgrims. Be sure you show up bringing light and love. It's desperately needed. Mary, Our Immaculate Mother, pray for us!
Continue ReadingWhen I was first on the road to becoming Catholic, I frequently imagined that God would ask me to leave my family and go be a missionary in like the most obscure place. I'd literally see myself all alone trying to evangelize on the tundra of Siberia or the Amazon Rainforest in South America. There was that nagging voice that said, "This is what is looks like to fully give yourself to Christ. Is that really what you want? To leave your family? To go live in utter hardship?" Today, in my Magnificat, I read this, "Often we allow our imagination to conjure up vague, mysterious torments that surely await us if we give ourselves fully. And it's usually this purely imaginary suffering that holds us back." --Sister Mary David Totah After reading that, I laughed a little at how true that was for the way I used to think. This is what a lot of us do; we conjure up these horrible imaginary situations that we think Christ will call us to. Nearly always, we conjure up some situation where we are utterly alone and joyless. This, as Sister Mary David Totah says, causes us to lose heart. So, we play it safe and call ourselves a believer, but never fully give of ourselves to Christ. Consequently, we don't allow any growth in our faith and it becomes stagnant and bland. I had to learn to reject those imaginary scenarios. Are there some missionaries that go into uncharted territory and suffer much? Yes. Could I be called to that? Maybe. But even if I was, I would be on fire to go, as many missionaries are, and I'd be given the grace to live out that life. Christ would never ask me to go forth into something without equipping me with gifts or giving me the graces to handle it. "All this involves a strong conviction and faith in God's handling of our case, even if our life seems not to be what we previously expected." There is no greater life than a life given fully to Christ, Catholic Pilgrims. It won't be without suffering, but it will be full of purpose. No matter what God calls us to, if we trust Him and go willingly, we will find that it's exactly the right thing for us, whether or not we thought it would be. Live the faith boldly and travel well this Tuesday.
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