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Yesterday, my family went to the movies to watch “You Gotta Believe.” It’s a baseball movie based off a true story.
One of the coaches of the team comes down with brain cancer and it’s serious. He has to step back from coaching while he does chemo.
At one point in the story, this coach’s son, devastated that his father isn’t getting better, runs out on the ballfield at night and yells out to the sky, “I hate you! I hate you!”
That was enough to make the tears flow hot on my face because I once did just about the same thing, except it was a football field and I was 17.
After my night on the football field, I went on to “wrestle with God,” much like Jacob in the Bible for years.
Yesterday, after I got home from the movie, I read a comment on my post from the other day that was wildly misunderstood. So many people missed the point of my post on burdensome rules.
Anyway, a woman, still missing the point, commented that respecting Christ in the Eucharist means that we dress up for church and women cover their heads. Boom. End of discussion.
Part of me wanted to defend my deep love of Christ, but the Holy Spirit kept saying, “Stay. Just stay. Don’t do it.”
While I was standing there at the stove with tears in my eyes, I asked, “Why not? Why not let me defend my love for You?”
What I heard was, “Because for some, it will never be enough what you do. Let me handle it. I know your heart.”
I realized how true that is. Because we humans are always trying to one up each other and prove we are better, sometimes, it will never be enough for many.
I have been to the depths with God and fought my way back to a relationship that I never thought possible after that night on the football field. Nobody but God truly understands my love and respect and nobody ever will.
There are a million and one ways, Catholic Pilgrims, that we can practice our Faith. And even if we did all those ways, there would still be someone who comes along and says, “Not enough.”
Of course with God, we can never give Him enough, but the only one we need to prove anything to is Him. He knows our hearts and His understanding of our hearts is all that really matters.
Live the Faith boldly and travel well this Tuesday.
*Picture is from the synagogue in Capernaum from our Gospel reading today.
I have this jar of mustard seeds on a shelf in my music room. It was given to me by my sister and sister-in-law at the baby shower they threw for me when I was pregnant with my son. After the loss of eight babies after my two daughters, I felt completely sunk in sadness. Yet, my husband and I held on to a mustard-seed-sized bit of faith that one day we would be blessed with one more child. My son is twelve now and I still keep this jar to remind me that no matter how bleak things seem, no matter how inadequate I think I am, no matter how far away God may feel, and no matter how impossible the ask, if I just hold on to a bit of faith and trust that God will see me through, He will. Jesus tells us today in our Gospel reading, “The mustard seed is the smallest of all seeds, when full grown it is the largest of all plants." Matthew 13 Even the smallest bit of faith can blossom into amazing things, Catholic Pilgrims. Don't ever let despair be an option. Have a blessed Monday.
Continue ReadingSeveral months ago, I got exceedingly angry about something. I won't go into details, but I was super angry right before Daily Mass and I was in the wrong. As I sat at home stewing, I knew that I couldn't go to Mass and receive Jesus with so much anger in my soul. So, I hurried my son along to get ready early because I wanted to go down to Confession before Mass. I went straight to Father's office, knocked on the down, and asked if I could come to Confession. He quickly smiled and said, "Of course!" After Confession, I went into the Blessed Sacrament to pray and was so grateful that I could come early and free my soul of my anger and my improper response to it. It just wouldn't have been right to come to Mass and try to receive Our Lord in such a state. There was a time when I would have refused to go to church after such a reaction. I would have just wanted to stay mad and fume for days. However, I've come to depend so much on going to Mass nearly every day that without it, I feel a bit lost. So, I wanted to go, but I also was aware that I needed to be cleansed in my soul before going. And, yes, I could have still gone to Mass without Confession, Jesus wants us there with Him. Even if we can't receive Jesus in the Eucharist, we still need to go to Mass, because He deserves our worship. Solomon asked for an "understanding heart" in our first reading today from Kings. The more I go to Mass, the more I pray, the more I try to foster a relationship with Jesus, the more aware I become that I am made, as St. Paul tells us, "in the image of His Son." I am more aware of how I need to conform myself to the image of Christ and part of that is receiving Him worthily. Thank God for the Sacraments that offer such healing and grace. Thank God that He is always ready to forgive us when we ask for forgiveness. Thank God He gives us such a fine pearl of great price. May we give all that we have to receive that pearl, Catholic Pilgrims. Have a beautiful Sunday.
Continue ReadingNobody grows up wanting to have a lot of baggage to carry around. But, (sigh) we make poor choices and before we know it, we are carrying around a figurative trunk of things that don't make us feel good about ourselves. Or, other people's bad choices have left us scarred and damaged and we don't really know how to feel whole again. For me, both of these situations are true, as I'm sure is the case for most people. And the lie that we are told by ourselves, the devil, and even the world is that we can't be redeemed. We are a lost cause, damaged beyond all repair. "Suck it up, Buttercup, because life just sucks and then you die." Mary Magdalene, whose feast day is today, shows us that we are never lost if Jesus comes to the rescue and He will always come. Either we have to ask or someone has to ask on our behalf if we are so far gone that we can't even think to ask for ourselves. Ah, I used to feel so awful about myself, so ashamed, so unworthy of even asking for forgiveness. Somehow, someway, I found my way to my first confession and through choking sobs, I asked Jesus for mercy, healing, and forgiveness. And my big trunk of poor choices and bad decisions was taken from my soul and I felt utterly restored to life. Mary Magdalene shows us, heck, even my life can show you, that you are never too far gone in this life for Jesus to redeem you. Live the Faith boldly and travel well, Catholic Pilgrims. St. Mary Magdalene, pray for us!
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