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In the early years of our marriage, I used to get so angry with my husband for not seeing the messes and not organizing things just like me.
He would always tell me, “Amy, if you need my help, just ask.”
But, that wasn’t good enough for me. I wanted him to see things the way *I* saw things. I wanted him to have my eyes, my brain, my way of being.
I fumed and fumed and then, I realized, that I didn’t marry my husband because he was just like me. It was unfair to ask him to be just like me. I was never going to “fix” him to be more like me.
So, I decided to take him up on his offer. Now, whenever I need his help, I simply ask nicely, and he never denies me. Never.
I can’t even remember the last time we got in an argument about cleaning or helping around the house and all it took was me changing my approach just a tad.
It was unreasonable for me to expect my husband to think as I do. He’s not me. He told me what would work—ask him—and it did work. I just had to let go of my pride and not demand “my way or the highway.”
Not only did I change, but over the years, my husband has become more attuned to the “messes” that need tending to. He takes the initiative more and, in that way, he has made himself better for me.
It’s not our job to “fix” our spouse, Catholic Pilgrims. It’s our job to fix ourselves and be better for them because, honestly, that is the only thing we can truly control.
Have a blessed Wednesday.
Because I've prepared numerous episodes for my podcast ahead of time, I've already read through Book Two of St. Augustine's "Confessions." This is where we get the famous pear-stealing story. In his thoughts about it, St. Augustine shares that he didn't steal because he really wanted the pears. The pears were inconsequential. He then wonders if he liked the actual crime of stealing OR did he like going along with his accomplices and being part of the gang? I was telling my husband about this at dinner and said, "There are three things to think about with any sin. 1. Do you like the actual tangible thing? Like, are you stealing because you want, say, a gold watch? 2. Do you like the act of the sin itself? Like watching pornography. 3. Do you sin because of the social acceptance it gives you? You go along just because you lack courage to say no?" Now, it could be just one of these things that leads us to sin or it could be a combo. My husband thought for a minute and said, "And with those three things, you are seeking one of the four reasons St. Thomas Aquinas' says we go after happiness--wealth, power, pleasure, honor. If you never think about why you are doing something sinful--to gain wealth, power, pleasure, or honor--and you never look at the three aspects of the sin--the thing you want, the sin itself, or the social acceptance--you will find it very hard to stop committing that sin. What I fiind most interesting about St. Augustine's pear story is that he didn't care about the pears, he didn't really revel in stealing, but mostly just wanted to fit in with the crowd. I was watching a video yesterday from Bishop Barron and he said, "With hot button topics--abortion, euthanasia, etc--Catholics track pretty much in line with the secular culture." Meaning, we don't look any different. We just blend right in, striking no real difference in how we live or believe. I believe this is because too many desire honor. We want to be accepted and liked and, so, lack the courage to swim against the stream. That is why I'm always saying that we must live the Faith boldly and travel well, Catholic Pilgrims. Have a blessed Monday.
Continue ReadingRight around Christmas, I made a post about how moved I was seeing everyone get to their knees right before the Consecration. I wrote about how beautiful it is that we kneel to worship Our Lord. Some snark shark showed up with an attempted put down telling me that he thought my worship would actually lead to me saying that I was going out to serve in a soup kitchen. To which I responded back, "I was at Mass worshipping God. Here in this post, I was focused on our worship of God. For me, it's a both/and. I can worship God and serve people." He said, "God doesn't need worship, why do you think he came as bread?" I commented, "God may not need our worship, but we need to worship Him. Are you seriously arguing that we shouldn't worship Our Lord? Your argument doesn't make any sense anyway. He didn't come as bread, He came as a baby--fully human, fully Divine." It is true that God doesn't need our worship, but we were created to worship Him. Not because He is some overbearing, narcissistic tyrant that needs to be adored, but because without right worship of God, we will worship something else--usually ourselves. Never has this played out well for anybody. I read today, "The Magi reveal that our search for truth leads to worship." When we find God and recognize Him as the reason for everything, as the source of all truth, there is only one response--worship. May our search for God lead us to worship Him, as is just. And may that worship lead us to be changed and never go back to our old ways. Have a blessed Epiphany, Catholic Pilgrims. *Painting is Adoration of the Magi by Rubens. 1609-1629
Continue Reading“Bethlehem is the prelude to Calvary. We may not merely stand adoring at the crib; we must also follow Christ to the cross.” Many moons ago, my friend from college who became an atheist was publicly asking questions about Christianity on her Facebook page. They were snarky and rude. Since, I’m not one to let a debate go by, I started answering her questions. You know how it goes: You answer a question, they don’t acknowledge the answer, but instead throw out another red herring. I stuck in there and continued to answer the rather softball questions. Pretty soon, a horde of angry atheists descended on me and attempted to do an online “stoning.” Not a single one could counter my arguments, but the truth of those arguments enraged them. Today, we look at the life of St. Stephen, the first martyr. He was debating people and they couldn’t handle the truth and wisdom of his words given to him by the Holy Spirit. They became “infuriated” and just wanted to silence him through death. As faithful Catholics, we must know that attacks will come our way. People will lash out at us over the truth of the Gospel. We must pray for the grace to take the literal and figurative blows, Catholic Pilgrims. Have a blessed Friday. St. Stephen, pray for us! *St. Stephen’s Bulgarian Orthodox Church in Istanbul.
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