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In the early years of our marriage, I used to get so angry with my husband for not seeing the messes and not organizing things just like me.
He would always tell me, “Amy, if you need my help, just ask.”
But, that wasn’t good enough for me. I wanted him to see things the way *I* saw things. I wanted him to have my eyes, my brain, my way of being.
I fumed and fumed and then, I realized, that I didn’t marry my husband because he was just like me. It was unfair to ask him to be just like me. I was never going to “fix” him to be more like me.
So, I decided to take him up on his offer. Now, whenever I need his help, I simply ask nicely, and he never denies me. Never.
I can’t even remember the last time we got in an argument about cleaning or helping around the house and all it took was me changing my approach just a tad.
It was unreasonable for me to expect my husband to think as I do. He’s not me. He told me what would work—ask him—and it did work. I just had to let go of my pride and not demand “my way or the highway.”
Not only did I change, but over the years, my husband has become more attuned to the “messes” that need tending to. He takes the initiative more and, in that way, he has made himself better for me.
It’s not our job to “fix” our spouse, Catholic Pilgrims. It’s our job to fix ourselves and be better for them because, honestly, that is the only thing we can truly control.
Have a blessed Wednesday.
"The Bible says, 'In praying, don't use vain repetitions as the Gentiles do; for they think that they will be heard for their much speaking.' Catholics are praying vain repetitions when you pray the Rosary." Heard this one before? I'm sure you have. About 15 years ago, I was completely devastated by some news within my larger family. One morning, I couldn't stop crying and I tried to formulate a prayer, but I couldn't. So, I just said over and over again, "Jesus." I feel asleep saying repeating Jesus' name. Anytime I give a talk, I get a little nervous, so as I'm on my way to the talk, I pray many times over, "Holy Spirit, keep me calm, keep me clear." This always stills my heart and helps me relax. After I receive the Eucharist, I pray three times, "Stay with me, Lord." This is a repetitious prayer. Even though I am repeating myself, none of these prayers are in vain. Vain, in the context of what Jesus is speaking about, means "useless" and "producing no results." The reason Jesus was saying this is because the Gentiles said repetitious prayers to pagan gods and, as we know, pagan gods don't exist. So, praying to Zeus or Athena was vain--useless--because they weren't real. When Catholics pray the Rosary we are saying repetitious prayers, this is true, but they aren't vain. The "Our Father" is a prayer we repeat at least six times and that is a prayer that Jesus gave us. Hardly vain. We pray the "Glory Be" at least six times and that prayer gives glory to the Blessed Trinity. Hardly vain. We pray the "Fatima prayer," which says, "Oh my, Jesus, forgive us our sins, save us from the fires of Hell. Lead all souls to Heaven, especially those in most need of Your mercy." Straight up prayer to Jesus. Hardly vain. Then, the "Hail Mary." The first part of the prayer are the words of St. Gabriel to Mary and the words of St. Elizabeth to Mary--scriptural texts formulate the prayer. The second half of the prayer is asking for her to pray for us. While we are praying these prayers, we are meditating on Christ's and Mary's life through different mysteries. Repetition is not, in and of itself, bad. It is never vain or useless to pray to Jesus or the Blessed Trinity. It is not vain to ask the Mother of God to pray for us while we meditate on the life of her Son, Who she desires us to love more than anything. Today, is the Feast of Our Lady of the Rosary, Catholic Pilgrims. May we pray a beautiful, fruitful, efficacious, repetitious Rosary today. Live the Faith boldly and travel well.
Continue ReadingThere are many in the Christian community who don’t like Catholics’ devotion to Angels and Saints. Some tell us our practices are pagan. Some find it unnecessary and a distraction. Some repeat over and over that there is only one mediator between God and man—Jesus. Some tell us that we are practicing necromancy. All of these thoughts misunderstand, of course, Catholicism and are an ignorance about Catholics relationship with Angels and Saints. We don’t believe the Angels and Saints are gods to be worshipped like the One True God. We don’t believe that you have to have a relationship with them in order to be saved, but we do believe they are a great help given to us by God. We agree that Jesus is the mediator between God and man. Having a relationship with Angels and Saints doesn’t usurp that role just as having relationships with other Christians doesn’t usurp that role. Necromancy is the attempt to conjure up the dead to obtain information from them. This is strictly forbidden in Catholicism. We are allowed, however, to ask those who are alive in Heaven to pray for us and to ask our guardian angels to guide and protect us. The whole of Christian life is not meant to be reduced down to a private, “personal relationship with Jesus.” Baptized Christians are a part of the Body of Christ and we are meant to be in communion with each other. This includes those in Heaven—the Triumphant. It also includes the angels for, as Scripture shows over and over, they are given to us to help us. As a parent, I don’t just demand that my kids only have a relationship with me. I want them to have healthy relationships with other family members, friends, other church members, teachers, and coaches. Why? Because all these people can help them in some way and strengthen them. We have hope that God will give us everything we need to get to Heaven. Angels are one of those helps. St. Bernard of Clairvaux said angels were “proof” ‘that heaven denies us nothing to assist us.” God gives us many wonderful and holy helps, Catholic Pilgrims, to assist us on our pilgrimage through life. Thank God for the help of the Angels. Have a blessed Feast of the Holy Angels!
Continue ReadingThis past Friday, our bishop was on base for the Sacrament of Confirmation. His words in his homily really made me reflect on my path to my own confirmation. As many of you know, at age 17, I left God behind. This happened because of a series of devastating events and I thought the logical solution was to abandon God since I thought He had abandoned me. So, I stopped going to church, my Bible was shelved completely, not that I got it out much before my great self-inflicted exile. I didn't pray. I did participate in a Bible study with my friends in college, but I was a big hypocrite. I lived how I wanted, yet thought of myself as a good person. I still called myself a Christian and defended Christianity in my college classes, but I was not following Jesus at all. Then, I started dating a lukewarm cradle Catholic, we fell in love, gave no thought to our religious differences, got married and began the great tug-of-war to decide if we were going to be Protestant or Catholic. After the birth of our firstborn, all of a sudden, religion mattered. During this time, I fought with my husband as he explained Catholicism, but it was more of a wrestling with God--much like Jacob wrestles. After eight years of wrestling, I desired more than anything to become Catholic. The bishop this past Friday said, "When you receive the Holy Spirit in Confirmation, if you have received Him in the right disposition, the transformation in you will be so great that you will not be able to contain the love you have for God. You will most necessarily have to spread the message of Jesus to the world." Of course, because I'm a big weeper, this made me cry. I think back to who I was before my confirmation and who I am now and it is a night and day difference. I'm not a perfect follower of Christ, but I want to be and I want others to know Him and love Him. It's why I write here nearly everyday. I'm truly sustained by the Holy Spirit. I have known life apart from God where I was just wandering around aimlessly. I know it is a shallow, sad life. The best way to live is to take Jesus up on His words to "follow Me." Follow Him fully, follow Him faithfully, and your life will bear much fruit. Have a blessed day, Catholic Pilgrims. St. Theresa, pray for us!
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