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I’ve heard a lot of people recently say that you need to wait to get married after you’ve “lived a little.”
I can’t stand this mindset. And while I don’t think people should rush into marriage just to be married, this idea that your life is on the downward slope once you “settle” into marriage is false.
Marriage shouldn’t be something you do after all the other things are done.
Why do we think we can only “live life” before marriage?
Dustin and I were married at 22. In a way, we have grown up together. Did we have a nest egg and well established careers before we married? No. Had we traveled the world? No.
No, we were poor, young twenty-somethings. We had a 1985 baby blue Buick Century for a car and we lived in a little apartment. We didn’t go out to eat much and we played board games at night after our daughter went to bed.
But, we’ve always seen our lives as one life—together. In 21 years, we’ve experienced more things than I can list off and this is only after 21 years. Marrying wasn’t “settling down;” it was finding the person that I wanted to experience life with—all of it.
Yes, yes, I know, not everyone will find their spouse at a young age. I know that. But, our culture breeds this idea that you shouldn’t even want to marry young because you need time to, well…I’ll say it out loud…be selfish.
Have your own money, your own career, your own time, your own bed, your own stuff, your own flings that mean nothing, your own this, your own that.
After years and years of simply living for yourself, it will be very difficult to integrate in a new person that you are going to have to share life with. And, there is a tendency—not always—to continue to see your lives as separate.
Marriage should not be the last thing on the list of adult things you do. All the things you want to do that matter, can be done with a spouse by your side.
Qualifiers for those that will get offended:
1. I’m not saying everyone should get married at 20 or that your marriage will be perfect if you marry young.
2. I’m not saying everyone who married late is selfish or that they don’t have a good marriage.
Marriage is a beautiful, wonderful sacrament, Catholic Pilgrims. The way you approach it makes all the difference in the world.
Have a blessed Friday.
ITALY PILGRIMAGE
‘Journey with the Saints’
OCTOBER 23-31, 2023
More info:
Last week, when I went into Notre Dame de Paris, it was packed. Packed. However, I was pleasantly surprised by all the ways the staff try to keep some semblance of reverence. There's a voice that comes on that says in a pleasant whisper, "Shhhhhhhhh...silence." And then it says it in different languages. The Adoration area is free of people milling around and no photos are allowed. It's just a place for prayer and adoration. And, even though I was moving with this large throng of people, mostly all you could hear was just the rustling of bodies moving. It was surprisingly quiet. It was the same in Sacre-Coeur. Outside, loud, noisy crowd. Inside, the nuns were singing and it was relativity quiet. I posted a video of the nuns singing in the early morning and someone said, "Yeah, beautiful, except for all the a**hole tourists." I get that people come into our sacred places and don't have the level of reverence that we would want. Many have zero clue that Jesus is truly present. Lots of people are there for social media pictures and care little for our Catholic Faith. I've been annoyed by it all at times. So have you. We all have. So, I get that. But, the comment made me cringe. For one, it's wildly uncharitable and if any non-believer saw it, I would hate the impression it leaves. (I did delete it for that fact. Plus, I don't allow foul language on my page.) I had to shake my head at the irony. Here was this lady mad about tourists who are disrespectful and irreverent, yet, she comes on a video showing nuns singing to Our Lord and uses foul language. While I don't like disrespect in our churches, I know that God can work with people. I saw it in Istanbul. My husband's squadron went on a mini-pilgrimage sponsored by the chaplain and one church we went into dropped people to silence--even atheists. The beauty got to them. So, we have to hope and pray that as people--lukewarm, non-believers, etc--walk around these beautiful churches, the beauty will speak to their souls. We have to pray that they might wonder at the person a statue represents. They might wonder about the story being told on the stained-glass windows. And, as we move through these spaces, Catholic Pilgrims, may we show with our actions how one is to behave and show on our faces that our Faith brings us joy. Make them wonder. Have a blessed day.
Continue ReadingLook at the light in this church, Catholic Pilgrims. It's even better in person. To date, there have been three churches that have literally made me gasp out loud when I first saw their beauty. 1. Notre Dame Basilica in Montreal, Canada 2. St. Stephen's Bulgarian Orthodox Church in Istanbul 3. This one. Basilique de Notre Dame de Pontmain in France Several weeks ago, a lady commented on a video I made where it showed a beautiful church in Ireland. "I don't think Jesus had this ornate of a place to worship! This is entirely to fancy." To which I said, "Go read in the Old Testament how God instructed the Israelites to build the tabernacle as they journeyed in the wilderness. And then go read about the Temple." The tabernacle was to be made with acacia wood, which was not expensive. However, it was to be overlaid with gold. Silver was used. Copper was used. Textiles of fine linen were used. Hard to come by dyes. The entire Ark of the Covenant was overlaid with gold. Not to mention two pure-gold statues of Cherubim (gasp! Statues!) were on top. Solomon's Temple was made of massive stones, expensive woods, and gold. There were also two 15-foot carved Cherubim statues inside the Holy of Holies. (Gasp! Statues!) So, what we find are that houses of God were not ramshackle pixie-stick structures crudely put together with mud. God didn't instruct the wandering Hebrew people to build a simple, plain Tabernacle or Ark of the Covenant. God created the world and the natural world is incredible in its beauty. The heavens above our heads are magnificent--all to glorify God and His Majesty. We, as humans, are made in His image and should try to imitate Him in His goodness, and His ability to create beauty. We can't fashion anything out of nothing like He can, but we can take the materials that He as blessed us with and design and build in such a way as to honor Him. Our beautiful Catholic Churches are where we worship our Lord and it is most fitting that they convey through their beauty that the Almighty is present in a very literal sense. Have a blessed day, Catholic Pilgrims.
Continue ReadingFor most of my life, I've been a "glass half empty" kind of gal. I preferred to "keep it real," not live in a day dream, or be too "pie-in-the-sky." There is nothing wrong with being aware, knowing your history, and understanding the reality of different situations. I'm not an advocate for being insufferably optimistic while your hair is on fire. However, social media has actually changed my "empty glass" mentality. This may shock you because of the dumpster fire that social media can be. Sometimes, I like to post just a nice, encouraging video. I don't want my social media pages to be all apologetics or giving you the latest bad news. I don't want to always dwell on the bad, because that makes people lose hope. Yet, I can make the most positive, hopeful video or post and inevitably someone is going to show up to throw mud at it. When I was in France, I was so encouraged to see all the Catholic Churches and I was happy to see how the country works to maintain their restoration. So, I made a very short video about this and someone said: "Too bad the French Revolution destroyed so much." "Yeah, okay, but can you just enjoy this nice post?" Yes, the French Revolution happened and it was awful and damaging. We are still feeling the effects, but you know what? The Church survived. In fact, the Church has survived every catastrophe: The early persecutions, the Protestant Revolution, French Revolution, and the disastrous Vatican II roll-out. Yes, bad things have happened. We should acknowledge them, learn from, and help repair and restore. But, can we also just be people of hope for half a second? Can we just enjoy a victory? A good moment? A turning of the tide? Or must we always live as if the French Revolution was yesterday? Can we ever move past it and realize that things aren't perfect, but we aren't suffering through that anymore? If your inclination is to see something positive and immediately post a negative comment, then social media has gotten to you for the worst. We must be people of hope, because otherwise we despair and everything becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Be sure to enjoy the beautiful moments, Catholic Pilgrims. Not everything is the worst. Live the faith boldly and travel well.
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