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I’ve heard a lot of people recently say that you need to wait to get married after you’ve “lived a little.”
I can’t stand this mindset. And while I don’t think people should rush into marriage just to be married, this idea that your life is on the downward slope once you “settle” into marriage is false.
Marriage shouldn’t be something you do after all the other things are done.
Why do we think we can only “live life” before marriage?
Dustin and I were married at 22. In a way, we have grown up together. Did we have a nest egg and well established careers before we married? No. Had we traveled the world? No.
No, we were poor, young twenty-somethings. We had a 1985 baby blue Buick Century for a car and we lived in a little apartment. We didn’t go out to eat much and we played board games at night after our daughter went to bed.
But, we’ve always seen our lives as one life—together. In 21 years, we’ve experienced more things than I can list off and this is only after 21 years. Marrying wasn’t “settling down;” it was finding the person that I wanted to experience life with—all of it.
Yes, yes, I know, not everyone will find their spouse at a young age. I know that. But, our culture breeds this idea that you shouldn’t even want to marry young because you need time to, well…I’ll say it out loud…be selfish.
Have your own money, your own career, your own time, your own bed, your own stuff, your own flings that mean nothing, your own this, your own that.
After years and years of simply living for yourself, it will be very difficult to integrate in a new person that you are going to have to share life with. And, there is a tendency—not always—to continue to see your lives as separate.
Marriage should not be the last thing on the list of adult things you do. All the things you want to do that matter, can be done with a spouse by your side.
Qualifiers for those that will get offended:
1. I’m not saying everyone should get married at 20 or that your marriage will be perfect if you marry young.
2. I’m not saying everyone who married late is selfish or that they don’t have a good marriage.
Marriage is a beautiful, wonderful sacrament, Catholic Pilgrims. The way you approach it makes all the difference in the world.
Have a blessed Friday.
ITALY PILGRIMAGE
‘Journey with the Saints’
OCTOBER 23-31, 2023
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