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I’ve heard a lot of people recently say that you need to wait to get married after you’ve “lived a little.”
I can’t stand this mindset. And while I don’t think people should rush into marriage just to be married, this idea that your life is on the downward slope once you “settle” into marriage is false.
Marriage shouldn’t be something you do after all the other things are done.
Why do we think we can only “live life” before marriage?
Dustin and I were married at 22. In a way, we have grown up together. Did we have a nest egg and well established careers before we married? No. Had we traveled the world? No.
No, we were poor, young twenty-somethings. We had a 1985 baby blue Buick Century for a car and we lived in a little apartment. We didn’t go out to eat much and we played board games at night after our daughter went to bed.
But, we’ve always seen our lives as one life—together. In 21 years, we’ve experienced more things than I can list off and this is only after 21 years. Marrying wasn’t “settling down;” it was finding the person that I wanted to experience life with—all of it.
Yes, yes, I know, not everyone will find their spouse at a young age. I know that. But, our culture breeds this idea that you shouldn’t even want to marry young because you need time to, well…I’ll say it out loud…be selfish.
Have your own money, your own career, your own time, your own bed, your own stuff, your own flings that mean nothing, your own this, your own that.
After years and years of simply living for yourself, it will be very difficult to integrate in a new person that you are going to have to share life with. And, there is a tendency—not always—to continue to see your lives as separate.
Marriage should not be the last thing on the list of adult things you do. All the things you want to do that matter, can be done with a spouse by your side.
Qualifiers for those that will get offended:
1. I’m not saying everyone should get married at 20 or that your marriage will be perfect if you marry young.
2. I’m not saying everyone who married late is selfish or that they don’t have a good marriage.
Marriage is a beautiful, wonderful sacrament, Catholic Pilgrims. The way you approach it makes all the difference in the world.
Have a blessed Friday.
ITALY PILGRIMAGE
‘Journey with the Saints’
OCTOBER 23-31, 2023
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In a little more than 30 days, America will celebrate its 250th birthday. In a spirit of patriotism, I am going to take the next 30 days and show one US landmark per day until July 4th. My goal: To find some Catholic connection to those landmarks. It's not always going to be easy, but I will do my best. I have lived all over this country from sea to shining sea--literally. Our military life has taken us up, down, across, and back across numerous times. I've lived east coast, west coast, deep south, midwest, and lots of desert. Lots of desert. I've lived in big cities, mid-sized cities, smallish cities, and no city. Because I've lived here, there, and everywhere, I truly do know how great our country is and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. So, first up is Independence Hall where the document to declare our independence was signed. In 2015, my family went on a guided tour through Independence Hall. We went into the Assembly Room where the Declaration of Independence was signed. As everyone moved out of that room, I stayed back and stood in there all by myself. I said a word of thanks to the men who took a great risk to sign that document. I swear something about them still lingers in that room. The Catholic Connection? This one is easy. Charles Carroll of Carrolton was the only Catholic to sign the document. He is noted for being the longest-lived and last surviving signer. He died in 1832 at the age of 95. This series will only be positive, so if you feel the temptation to spout off some unpatriotic nonsense, Uncle Sam will see you to the door and promptly delete your comment. He and I are tired of it. 😎 Patriotism is a virtue, Catholic Pilgrims, and I hope this series reminds you that it's okay to love your country. Have a blessed day.
Continue ReadingWhen we were stationed in Turkey, my husband was commander of an air base squadron. The installation was literally on two floors of a hotel and, yes, we even had a commissary and a BX. We were a tight-knit group, as we were confined to a small space and saw each other frequently. I started to notice that when I would go into the club or, any place really, the younger troops would mind their P's and Q's. At first, I thought it was because my presence was like having mom around, but I later realized that when they saw me, they saw an extension of my husband. I knew it wasn't because they saw me as mom, as other older women did not affect the same kind of reaction. This always made me smile, not because I enjoyed the attention, but because it signaled the reality of the oneness of marriage. To see me, is to see my husband and vice versa. The other day, our oldest daughter was speaking to her dad and she said, "I don't know if what you are saying is coming from Momma's thoughts or yours." My husband said, "Well, that's hard to say, because your mom and I are pretty in sync about most things." Though it isn't perfect, I believe marriage is one of the strongest analogies for the Holy Trinity. Again, not perfect, but we can come to understand the Trinity just a bit by looking at a loving marriage. When my husband and I were married, we became one. Two distinct persons, yet still one. Most people will tell you that if you see me, they can't help but also think of Dustin. The same goes for him. The product of our love is our children. Our love created other distinct people and we are all united in the oneness of our family which is held by our marriage. God the Father is Lover, God the Son is the Beloved, and God the Holy Spirit is the Love that unites them. Because God is Love, Love is a person, the Holy Spirit. Three distinct Persons in One. It's a deep mystery and one that we can't fully grasp or comprehend. We will never be able to use human words to fully articulate the mystery of the Holy Trinity. That's because, well, we aren't God. But, these mysteries sure are wonderful things to ponder and be in awe of, Catholic Pilgrims.
Continue ReadingToday, let's head to an island off the coast of South Carolina for our small-town church showcase. This is Stella Maris Catholic Church located on Sullivan's Island, SC. I have cruised past this island twice when I was in Charleston a few Spring Breaks ago: One day on a sailing ship and the next day on a ferry taking me over to Fort Sumter. Sullivan's Island is named after Captain Florence O'Sullivan. He was an Irishman who was granted land on the island to help with the building up of the South Carolina colony. He was a military officer, a surveyor, a colonial official, and he helped establish Charleston. Sullivan's Island was used to protect Charleston from enemy attacks. This parish was founded in 1843 by Bishop Ignatius Reynolds. During the Civil War, this island saw a lot of military action and that affected church life, as you can imagine. The original church was just a small wooden building that no longer exists; this church you see here came about in the late 1800s and has undergone lots of renovations. The inside of the church seems to harken back to its wooden-structure days, as it was built with pine and painted a warm color. We don't know for sure if Captain O'Sullivan was Catholic or not. There are no surviving documents to give clarity. Most historians say that he was "likely Catholic" given his Irish roots, but if he was, he most likely had to keep it quiet. But, there is no definitive way of knowing. I loved my time in Charleston and if you are ever in the area, Catholic Pilgrims, maybe take a trip over to Sullivan's Island to check out Stella Maris Parish. Have a blessed Wednesday!
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