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I’ve heard a lot of people recently say that you need to wait to get married after you’ve “lived a little.”
I can’t stand this mindset. And while I don’t think people should rush into marriage just to be married, this idea that your life is on the downward slope once you “settle” into marriage is false.
Marriage shouldn’t be something you do after all the other things are done.
Why do we think we can only “live life” before marriage?
Dustin and I were married at 22. In a way, we have grown up together. Did we have a nest egg and well established careers before we married? No. Had we traveled the world? No.
No, we were poor, young twenty-somethings. We had a 1985 baby blue Buick Century for a car and we lived in a little apartment. We didn’t go out to eat much and we played board games at night after our daughter went to bed.
But, we’ve always seen our lives as one life—together. In 21 years, we’ve experienced more things than I can list off and this is only after 21 years. Marrying wasn’t “settling down;” it was finding the person that I wanted to experience life with—all of it.
Yes, yes, I know, not everyone will find their spouse at a young age. I know that. But, our culture breeds this idea that you shouldn’t even want to marry young because you need time to, well…I’ll say it out loud…be selfish.
Have your own money, your own career, your own time, your own bed, your own stuff, your own flings that mean nothing, your own this, your own that.
After years and years of simply living for yourself, it will be very difficult to integrate in a new person that you are going to have to share life with. And, there is a tendency—not always—to continue to see your lives as separate.
Marriage should not be the last thing on the list of adult things you do. All the things you want to do that matter, can be done with a spouse by your side.
Qualifiers for those that will get offended:
1. I’m not saying everyone should get married at 20 or that your marriage will be perfect if you marry young.
2. I’m not saying everyone who married late is selfish or that they don’t have a good marriage.
Marriage is a beautiful, wonderful sacrament, Catholic Pilgrims. The way you approach it makes all the difference in the world.
Have a blessed Friday.
ITALY PILGRIMAGE
‘Journey with the Saints’
OCTOBER 23-31, 2023
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Someone privately wrote me asking how to stop confessing the same sin over and over again. They didn't tell me what sin it is and I didn't ask, but I told them that they need to figure out why they are unwilling to eradicate that particular sin. They responded back with an honest answer, "I guess I like doing it too much." Most sins come down to fear and pleasure: We fear that if we don't commit a particular sin that we will trap ourselves somehow or we enjoy the pleasure of it too much. Sometimes both reasons apply. Ultimately, though, it comes down to the fact that we don't trust God with our happiness. This leads us to only think of the here and now. We want our temporary pleasure now; we want our way of living now. This is why the Church asks us to think on the last four things--Death, Judgment, Heaven, and Hell. There is no one temporary thing here on earth that could ever make up for the joy we will receive in Heaven or the torture we would endure if Hell was our destination. And the truth is, if we forgo the pleasure here on earth, it may just be that we struggle and suffer. It's not as if choosing God's Will is always easy or pleasant. Oftentimes, it comes with a great amount of suffering and so often, to avoid that, we take the reins and choose to trust in sinful pleasures and sinful ways so that we can seemingly enjoy this life. What we all have to come to understand is that what God wills for our lives, will always end up, in the end, better for us, if we choose to trust in Him. Jesus tells us, "What father among you would hand his son a snake when he asks for a fish? If you then, who are wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the Father in Heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?" God's answer to us is not always the easy way or the most pleasurable way or the way of comfort, but the answer is always what is best for us. He knows better than anyone what we need to become Saints. So, we must knock at the door, Catholic Pilgrims, and ask for the grace to resist temporary "gain" over eternal joy and glory. Live the faith boldly and travel well this Thursday.
Continue ReadingSometimes when people share my posts, I can see comments made by people on their page. Yesterday, someone shared by post about praying the Rosary and how it's not vain repetition. I could see that someone commented to them, "Who taught you to bow to idols?" Now, I generally don't go commenting on other people's personal pages, but I will on here. The comment has nothing to do with the my post on the Rosary. It drives me absolutely bonkers when people just throw out an unrelated comment because they lack the ability to address the issue at hand. But, since they brought it up and because I like addressing bad comments and arguments, we'll talk about it today. The first thing we must understand is that to bow to something is not inherently wrong. Back in the day, men used to bow to women upon greeting them and, to be old fashioned in my language, in taking their leave. It was a sign of respect. In some Asian cultures, bowing is a cultural practice and we recognize that the bowing isn't idolization but, instead, a sign of respect. In 1 Kings 2:19, King Solomon bows to his mother. He does this, not because he is worshipping her, but because she is the queen mother and he is respecting her with a bow. Sometimes, Catholics bow to statues of Mary for the same reason--she is our Queen Mother and we are trying to show her respect through her image. There are other instances of people bowing in the Bible and it is not a form of worship. So, we see that we can bow and indict with our bodies a gesture of respect and honor. For Catholics, when we come into a Catholic Church, we genuflect, that is kneel and cross ourselves, as we take our seats. Anytime, we pass by the Tabernacle, we either bow or genuflect. Some people can't genuflect because of physical ailments, so they bow. The reason we do this is because Jesus is present. In this case, we are bowing and genuflecting out of worship. Jesus is present in the Eucharist. Today, in our Gospel reading, Jesus gives us the Our Father. Several years ago, I learned something very interesting from Bishop Barron. Where it says "daily bread," in the Greek, the word is epiousion, which means "substantial in the highest degree" or "super-substantial." St. Jerome translated this into the Latin Vulgate as "panem supersubstantialem," or super-substantial bread. What is bread in the highest degree? The Eucharist--Jesus fully present Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity. We get on our knees, we bow, we genuflect when we enter a Catholic Church because we are worshipping Jesus in the Panem Supersubstantialem. It is not idolization, but right praise. Thank God, Catholic Pilgrims, we can receive this Daily Bread everyday. Have a blessed Wednesday.
Continue Reading"The Bible says, 'In praying, don't use vain repetitions as the Gentiles do; for they think that they will be heard for their much speaking.' Catholics are praying vain repetitions when you pray the Rosary." Heard this one before? I'm sure you have. About 15 years ago, I was completely devastated by some news within my larger family. One morning, I couldn't stop crying and I tried to formulate a prayer, but I couldn't. So, I just said over and over again, "Jesus." I feel asleep saying repeating Jesus' name. Anytime I give a talk, I get a little nervous, so as I'm on my way to the talk, I pray many times over, "Holy Spirit, keep me calm, keep me clear." This always stills my heart and helps me relax. After I receive the Eucharist, I pray three times, "Stay with me, Lord." This is a repetitious prayer. Even though I am repeating myself, none of these prayers are in vain. Vain, in the context of what Jesus is speaking about, means "useless" and "producing no results." The reason Jesus was saying this is because the Gentiles said repetitious prayers to pagan gods and, as we know, pagan gods don't exist. So, praying to Zeus or Athena was vain--useless--because they weren't real. When Catholics pray the Rosary we are saying repetitious prayers, this is true, but they aren't vain. The "Our Father" is a prayer we repeat at least six times and that is a prayer that Jesus gave us. Hardly vain. We pray the "Glory Be" at least six times and that prayer gives glory to the Blessed Trinity. Hardly vain. We pray the "Fatima prayer," which says, "Oh my, Jesus, forgive us our sins, save us from the fires of Hell. Lead all souls to Heaven, especially those in most need of Your mercy." Straight up prayer to Jesus. Hardly vain. Then, the "Hail Mary." The first part of the prayer are the words of St. Gabriel to Mary and the words of St. Elizabeth to Mary--scriptural texts formulate the prayer. The second half of the prayer is asking for her to pray for us. While we are praying these prayers, we are meditating on Christ's and Mary's life through different mysteries. Repetition is not, in and of itself, bad. It is never vain or useless to pray to Jesus or the Blessed Trinity. It is not vain to ask the Mother of God to pray for us while we meditate on the life of her Son, Who she desires us to love more than anything. Today, is the Feast of Our Lady of the Rosary, Catholic Pilgrims. May we pray a beautiful, fruitful, efficacious, repetitious Rosary today. Live the Faith boldly and travel well.
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