All Daily Reflections

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So, last week, I made a post about a dinner conversation I had with my husband about the desires of men and women. To date, it's probably the most popular post I have ever written and the comments were overwhelmingly positive and supportive. All was going good. But, I have learned over the years that it just takes awhile for the naysayers to show up. If I write about the joys of children, I just have to give it a few hot seconds before the anti-kid crowd descends. If I write about marriage and give the subtle whiff of an argument for the differences between men and women, well, it won't be long before I'm lectured about "social constructs" and how I'm "sending us back to the dark ages." To be sure, people are allowed to be naysayers and I'm not saying that people can't disagree with me. Just fair warning, it may end up as social media fodder. 🙂 I never made any mention in that post about whether women should work or not, or about economics, or about chores. I simply talked about how most women desire men to be providers and protectors and my husband shared that men desire women to be the heart of the home. It's not super controversial stuff...until it is. To some ears, this always comes out translated as: WOMEN MUST ONLY BE STAY-AT-HOME-MOMS AND COOK DINNER EVERY NIGHT ON TIME AND DARN SOCKS AND WHISK AROUND EACH ROOM IN A CINDERELLA FASHION WHILE BRINGING A COLD BREWSIE TO THE HUBS AND CRACKING IT OPEN FOR HIM! I've never even come close to remotely saying anything like this. One lady's comment, though, just baffled me. She said, "Hmmm thought it was about following Christ. Jesus wasn’t a 'provider'." Her point, if I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt, was that what women and men should both desire in a partner someone who follows Christ. Absolutely true. 100% agree. However, if she would have correctly read my conversation with my husband, I said, "What UNIQUE thing do men desire of women that men really don't bring to the table?" Unique was the key word. BOTH men and women desire love, respect, companionship. And, yes, I think it would be great if both desire a faithful Jesus follower. The triggering word for her was "provider." And in the process of taking offense to that word being applied to men, she declared that Jesus "wasn't a provider." Which is just an insane thing to say. Now, to give her the benefit of the doubt again, she was probably trying to say that Jesus wasn't a husband and a father. Correct. But, Jesus didn't come here to get married and be desirable to women as a potential catch. I was talking about what most women want in a marriage partner...and kids want in a father, too. But still, of course--OF COURSE--Jesus was a provider and still is. Before His earthly ministry does this lady think that from, say, ages 15 to 30, Jesus just sat around at home doing nothing? He didn't provide for the family at all? At all???? On the Cross, He provided for His Mother's care by placing her into the hands of St. John. He provides us with grace, love, salvation, and literally Himself in Holy Communion. He is the greatest provider of all time. Why? Because He is God. We must always be careful, Catholic Pilgrims, to not let modern-day political ideologies be the leading thoughts in our minds. Better to be grateful and rejoice in things that are good, true, and beautiful. Live the faith boldly and travel well.

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Because of the nature of the military life, I had my own private Confirmation Mass. Moving always throws a kink in things, and I had to be given a dispensation to be confirmed by my priest instead of the ordinary minister, the bishop. So, with my immediate family and a few of my friends, I was confirmed into the Catholic Church in late September in 2009. After my Confirmation, I felt insanely alive. I was a bit like Buddy the Elf when he yells out with a huge smile on his face, "I'm in love, I'm in love! And I don't care who knows it!" Or like a baby who has finally learned to walk but wants to give running a try. Though they are still trying to figure out the walking thing, the freedom it provides makes them want to run. In a word, I was ignited by the down-pouring of the Holy Spirit upon me. I wanted to do everything: Read every Catholic religious book, evangelize everyone, see every church, become a scholar, an apologist, read the Bible constantly. The Holy Spirit is often depicted as fire and it does make sense why He is. One day, in the infancy of my confirmation, I picked up "The Summa," read about two pages and gently laid it down. "Maybe later." It was at that moment that I realized I needed to slow down just a tad. It took awhile, but I had to learn that I couldn't do it all and that I needed a good period of forming before I could see what God needed me to do. I needed to understand my gifts and see where I could best apply them. Am I still on fire? Yes. Where I once was like a ball of fire, raging hot and full of energy, now I am like a steady burn. The Holy Spirit has helped me to recognize my gifts and focus on areas where I can be most effective. Today, we end the Easter Season with the great Feast of Pentecost. When the Holy Spirit came as a rush of wind all those centuries ago, the world was set on fire. You and I are Catholic today because of that spark that ignited the Apostles. Have a beautiful and blessed Pentecost, Catholic Pilgrims. *Church is the Cathedral Basilica of St. Louis, St. Louis, Missouri

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One of the oddest things to me is when someone shows up to disagree with Catholicism and says something like the guy from yesterday: "Jesus didn't institute the sacrament of marriage or ordain priests." Okay. (Sigh) This is the equivalent of a neighborhood kid running into a crowd of other kids and throwing a water balloon hoping to really upset them. Yeah, it might be annoying, but who cares? These kinds of declarative comments used to really get me upset, but now, I simply ask if they want to hear a Catholic response to their statement and if they don't, well, "Have a nice day." I have found people who make these kinds of comments, don't even know what Catholics mean when we say something is a Sacrament. I'd love to educate them, but rarely do they take me up on the offer to hear what it is and why we believe Jesus instituted it. But in case anyone is wondering: "A Sacrament is an outward sign instituted by Christ to give grace." Baltimore Catechism for the win! The other thing that is curious to me is that people are constantly trying to find ways to downplay the power of Jesus. "No, He didn't do this." "No, He wouldn't do that." "No. NO. NOOOOOOO. NO, GRACE, OKAY! Just NO!" Jesus is always looking for ways to give us grace and it just so happens that He loves to do it at some of the most important moments of our lives. Our Baptism Our First Confession Receiving Jesus in the Holy Eucharist Being Confirmed in the Faith Getting Married Becoming a Priest When we are near death and/or are extremely sick. All of these events in our lives are opportunities for God to infuse us with grace. They also happen to be areas where we need grace to live out that Sacrament well. Marriage needs lots of grace. Being a priest needs lots of grace. Being a child of God requires lots of grace. When your earthly life may end, you need lots of grace. We are truly blessed to have the seven Sacraments, Catholic Pilgrims. May we never try to limit the ability to God to give us grace. Live the Faith boldly and travel well this Thursday.

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At dinner last night, I said to my husband, "Most women throughout human history have wanted a man who is a good protector and provider. Unless a woman is a raging-hot feminist, this is truly what women want from a man. It's unique to men. Both men and women want companionship, respect, love, and those universal things, but being a provider and protector are two unique things that women want from men. You're never going to hear a man say, 'I really want a woman who can provide and protect.' So, is there one word that defines what men want from women?" Very quick to answer, he said, "Well, there isn't one word that I can think of that sums it up, but men want women to be the heart. Only women can uniquely provide that in a relationship and a family. Women provide a warmth that a man just isn't equipped to give." My son piped in and said, "Moms make a home a place where you can relax." My husband agreed, "Yes, women make a place enjoyable to be in. All women have this ability and are capable of doing it, it's just that society has told so many that it's not important, but it is. No woman has ever said, 'I want a man to be the warmth and heart of a family,' and the reason is, is because women bring that to the table." I asked, "But, as a man, do you really notice all the decorations and things we do to a home?" "Men may not notice every little detail, but we notice the feeling it creates." He continued: "It all boils down to this: Women want men to provide the things and protect the family and the home. Men want women to take what they provide and protect and make it beautiful." Men, don't let anyone tell you that you are wrong for desiring these things. Women, don't let anyone tell you that you are wrong for desiring these things. They are good and wonderful things to desire and it creates a harmony in the family that can't be duplicated in any other way. Have a blessed day, Catholic Pilgrims.

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I was listening to a "Pints with Aquinas" episode the other day with Dr. John Bergsma as the guest. He said something truly profound, at least to me. "What they (Protestants) find uncomfortable about the Catholic Church is that the Church does things that they would reserve to Jesus. And I think that's the crux of it. And what they're objecting to is that the Church acts like Mrs. Jesus. It would be like, you know, my wife walks into the bank and cashes a check and the bank says, 'You can't do that. You're not John Bergsma.' But, wait, if she's really Mrs. Bergsma, she absolutely can. And if the Church is really Mrs. Jesus, then she absolutely can write checks on Jesus' account. She can act in persona Christi." When I heard Dr. Bergsma say this, I thought, "That is so true! That's the crux of everything I objected to when I was Protestant." When I'd argue with my husband about confession, the pope, priests, all that, I was upset because I didn't see the Church as the bride of Christ. When my husband was deployed, I had to act in his name several times. I could do this because I am his bride--his wife. We are one. Christ is not walking around on earth anymore. He's fully present in the Eucharist, but not in the same way that He was physically present to the Apostles. He gave us the Church--His Bride--to act in His name. If you take marriage seriously and see it as a true Sacrament, you will be in awe of the oneness of the married couple. Most people that know me well would tell you that they can't think about me without thinking about Dustin. In our culture's quest to water-down marriage into nothing more than a legal contract or to make marriage just whatever configuration anybody comes up, we've lost the idea of the oneness. Jesus is the Bridegroom, the Catholic Church--not a building, but the Body of Christ--is His Bride. We need the Church to administer the Sacraments using the correct matter and form, we need the Church to guide us to the Truth as new issues emerge through the ages, and we need her to dispense blessings on us from her treasury all in the name of Jesus. Have a blessed Tuesday, Catholic Pilgrims.

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I've moved 11 times in 23 years as a military spouse. That's an average of moving nearly every two years, which is nuts. As we finish cleaning the house we are leaving, I always walk one more time through the house by myself. I want to cement in my mind that home, the memories made there, and what I've learned from that particular place. There is always a sting of sadness as that chapter closes and a bit of uncertainty as we head to the next duty station. At the closing of the door, there's a weird period of time between the old place and new place. All your earthly stuff is gone on a moving truck, your car is loaded down with plants, animals, treasures that you don't want the movers to touch, cleaning supplies, and all your suitcases. You essentially are a vagabond now. The feelings are weird, too. Part of you grieves for what you leave behind and then part of you is excited for the next adventure. Everything feels a bit out of sorts. Some chapters are easy to close, but some are hard. Vegas was an easy chapter for me to close, leaving Turkey was hard. I imagine the Apostles and disciples felt like this at the Ascension of Our Lord. The chapter of their time with Jesus on this earth was being closed and there was the in-between time of waiting for the next chapter to begin. Oftentimes, we don't know what to do with ourselves in the in-between time. We feel a bit lost, lonely, unsure, and melancholy. What we must do is just keep moving forward until it all works itself out. The Ascension marks a closing of a chapter, but a new one is about to begin at Pentecost. It is then that the world is set on fire and the new mission begins--to bring the Gospel to the whole world. We are still a part of that mission, Catholic Pilgrims. It will be this way until the Second Coming. Then a new chapter will begin, but until then, live the Faith boldly and travel well.

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I watched a video the other day of an adult daughter interviewing her mom and her aunt. The adult daughter was probably my age. It was a Mother’s Day video and she was asking them about their favorite parts of motherhood. They had not one positive answer. Their favorite part of motherhood was when their kids left the house. They wished they didn’t have as many kids as they did. It was all negative. The daughter looked a bit shocked by some of the answers. I’d sure be hurt if I heard my mom say such things. Anyway, it had tens of thousands of views and thousands of comments, but I couldn’t find one comment that was disturbed by the mom’s and aunt’s responses. There was praise all around. A few comments: “I love my kids to death but if I had to do it all over again, I’d just be the rich aunty.” “Can you love your kids and hate motherhood?” “Waiting for the day my kids leave.” I’ve been a mother for 24 years now and I’ve been through every stage for kids to go through. Parenting is not easy and not everyday is a walk in the park. But, you cannot love someone if you wish they were never born or you wish them gone. And you are not brave or noble if you voice that about your kids. It’s one thing to be excited for your kids to fly the nest and watch them go out into the world. It’s a different thing to count down the days until they’re gone. Imagine if a father said he hated fatherhood. We would not be praising his “brave honesty.” We would say he was a bad dad and feel sorry for his kids. But, we have allowed moms to voice these horrific things about their kids and praise it in the name of “just being real.” No, what is real is the levels of selfishness on display for far too many. Love is not selfish. Love does not seek to be away from the one you love. Love is enduring. I have loved every stage of my kids’ lives. Motherhood is challenging, of course. But, I also have three beautiful souls to share life with and watch grow into unique individuals. I get to be their mom. What an honor. Live the Faith boldly and travel well, Catholic Pilgrims.

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We all know the book, "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe," but have you ever read "The Magician's Nephew?" It's the first book in the series and it tells you how Narnia came to be. My family is reading it together in the evenings right now and there are parts that are very similar to the Genesis creation story. For example, Aslan sings things into existence. Once Aslan is finished, he calls animals from the earth and ends up talking to them. Two children- Digory and Polly--and a cabby can hear Aslan and the other animals speak. They have no fear and Digory wants to talk to Aslan. Another person in the newly-formed Narnia is Uncle Andrew, Digory's uncle. He is a selfish, shameful man and he can't hear Aslan talk or sing. To him, Aslan sounds like he is roaring, which consequently makes him afraid of Aslan. Uncle Andrew sees him as a violent beast set on devouring him. When you come at the Bible without love or a desire to understand God, all you will "hear" or read is an angry God. If someone comes to the Bible simply to find ways to attack Christians or prove Christianity wrong, the Bible will only "roar" at you. The Salvation story will be utterly missed and all will be like clanging gongs. Digory and Polly are able to hear Aslan because they are not hardened by prejudice to goodness and truth, as Uncle Andrew is. Therefore, they have eyes and ears that see more of the fullness of who Aslan is and what they see is not threatening or disagreeable. Grace is what is needed to understand God more and more, Catholic Pilgrims. Grace and love. Without these, all you will hear are roars. Have a blessed Thursday.

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The Holy Spirit cannot give different people different truths. Years ago, my husband and I were speaking with someone who is Protestant and my husband asked the person, "How do you know that your interpretation of Scripture is correct?" "The Holy Spirit tells me." "But, see, you and I disagree on what it says. I would say that my interpretation was guided by the Holy Spirit, too, but we can't both be right then. How do you know you are right?" "I just do." This isn't a good answer. There are numerous beliefs as to what Baptism is and what it does. The Holy Spirit cannot and will not guide people to different conclusions when it comes to matters of the Faith. Either one person is wrong, the other is, all are wrong, or one is right. What stands out to you in Scripture, what speaks to your soul a particular day, what moves you to contemplation, these are all things that the Holy Spirit can guide you to that may be different from one person to the next. But on what is the Truth of morality, doctrine, and interpretation of Scripture, these are not open to everyone having their own truth or the Holy Spirit sending mixed messages. Christ built one Church--He did not intend for numerous churches that believe different things. That is contrary to the what Jesus taught and what makes sense. He built ONE church upon the rock of Peter and He promised the gates of Hell would not prevail against it. He did not leave us to just figure it out the Faith on our own. No, He sent the Holy Spirit to guide, instruct, and protect His Church. Individual interpretation is dangerous and has led to numerous denominations and confusion, Catholic Pilgrims. There has to be an entity that is guided by the Advocate and it is always wise to start at the beginning and look to who has Apostolic succession. The Catholic Church has the fullness of truth and that is how we are assured of what is right when it comes to issues of morality, doctrine and Scriptural interpretation. It's not because I say so, it's because Christ's Church says so. Live the Faith boldly and travel well this Wednesday.

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One of the things that blew my mind when I was on the path to converting to Catholicism was the discovery that the Apostles did not have a compiled Bible to work with or refer to. I had never really wondered where we got the canon of Scripture. It fell out of the sky was my best guess. The head teacher, who I help, for OCIA, told the class this year, “The Bible does not insist upon itself.” Meaning, there’s not one letter or book that says, “This book is to be included one day in the canon of Scripture.” No letter or book insists that it must be included. If nothing in the Bible insists upon itself, that means that it had to be compiled. There had to be debates and arguments about what would be added and what wouldn’t. The compiled Bible didn’t come about until nearly 300 years after the last Apostle died. So, what did the Apostles do without Scripture? They didn’t have the New Testament. There are some who preach that Scripture alone is the only way we can know the truths of our Faith. But, today in our first reading from Acts, we see the Apostles and elders making a decision without a compiled Bible. What we see is the teaching authority—the Magisterium—of the Church at work. They decided with help from the Holy Spirit that Gentiles don’t have to be circumcised to be saved. Once they’ve made the decision, they write letters to believers in far off places, and send representatives to delivery the message. Scripture, the Magisterium, and Tradition: These are the pillars of the Catholic Church, Catholic Pilgrims. We are blessed to belong to the Church that recognizes the importance of all three. Have a blessed Sunday.

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People have asked over the years how Dustin and I knew each other was the one. Well, many moons ago at the turn of the century, I walked into AF ROTC for my first day. There across the classroom was the most handsome man in blues sitting there and something in me said, "There's your home." If you would believe it, I was engaged to another guy, but I had known for a while that it wasn't going to work. I just felt obligated to stick with the relationship. Eventually--obviously--I broke up with him and Dustin and I became friends. I was attracted to his intelligence and his willingness to have meaningful conversations. I'd never had that before with a guy. I was attracted to how good he was to me--except all the ruthless teasing. 😉 He was daring and adventurous, which meant life with him was never going to be boring. I saw all his potential and I knew that he would be a great dad, a great husband, and just a hard-working, good man. For him, I think what attracted him was the night we were all out with friends and I dumped the whole tray of my Burger King meal into my lap. It was then that he knew what I lacked in grace, I made up in laughs. Little did he know a life of my clumsy moments awaited him. He will also tell you that it brought him great joy to tease me. I couldn't help it and always took the bait, bantering back with a fiery passion. Lastly, I think what really sealed the deal for him was the day I couldn't get the camo face paint off my face but still went out in public. One Saturday, ROTC had a training night where we went out to a lake and had to complete a mission. We were all dressed in our BDUs and we had camo paint all over our faces. It was a fun night. Well, when I got home, I couldn't get it all off and it all smeared over my face in a pale green mess. The next morning, all the cadets had to go to a highway trash pickup and I showed up with my green face. Somebody took a picture and I was the only one who looked like a zombie that just crawled out of the ground. At that moment, Dustin knew that life with me would never be dull. 😎 But, above all, we have always felt like "home" to each other. Have a great weekend, Catholic Pilgrims.

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Because of how much St. Joseph is showing up in my life, when I saw that the Hallow app was doing a consecration to St. Joseph, I had to join in. Today, I was listening to Fr. Mike Schmitz talk about how ordinary Joseph was: He was from an obscure, small town, he did a normal, productive job, he probably had a simple childhood. And, yet, this ordinary man took care of the Son of God and His mother. Not too long ago, I went to the mall. As I looked around at the people, I felt a deep sense of sadness for so many. In an attempt to not seem ordinary, so many were hard to see. What I mean by that is they had done so much to themselves that I struggled to see them. They were veiled by distractions and distortions making it impossible to see the real them. I never felt so ordinary in my life. I don't say that to sound proud or better than, it's just a reality. I looked very ordinary. One of the greatest fears of many is that they will pass through this life as just an ordinary person. The internet has made people believe that ordinary is boring and uninteresting. It's also the result of a lack of God in your life. When you don't feel loved by the Father, you feel desperate, in this one life, to make some kind of mark. As we look around, we see numerous people trying to outdo each other in "uniqueness," to the point that they lose themselves in the process. When everyone is trying to be unique in basically the same way then nobody actually is. The ordinary person becomes the one that stands out. Some people are extraordinary in their looks, talents, and personalities. Hopefully, they use those gifts to serve others. However, most of us will be ordinary and God often chooses the ordinary to do amazing things and even, as St. Therese taught us, "small things with great love." St. Joseph, before he stepped into his role as husband to Mary and father to Jesus, was just an ordinary guy living an ordinary life. And, yet, here we are 2000 years later, remembering a guy, who never even spoke a word in the Gospels, all because he followed God's Will for his life. Have a blessed Thursday.